well you can't waste a boner
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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