Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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