You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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