I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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