My liver just broke up with me...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
