So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We're too hungover to prance.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
