After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
