Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
