I think my vagina is haunted
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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