got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize