God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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