the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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