Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
