Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
