i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
