can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Someone shit on the floor
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
