I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
