We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
