Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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