Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
