I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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