I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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