I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
