You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
