JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
