Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
