Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
