no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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