im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
