Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
