1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
