its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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