Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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