my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
