we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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