look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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