OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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