you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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