I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
