i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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