May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
