Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
