He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
