on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
