Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
