I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
