Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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