had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
