speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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