Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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