literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
