so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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