You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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